Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
