My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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