after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
