Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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