none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
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How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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