Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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