One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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