Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
