i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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