im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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