I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
