I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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