Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
