I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Sorry about my life...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
