she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize