I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So here I am, sexting at work.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
