There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
