Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize