i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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