i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
