Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think pants incapable of making pants work
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
