Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
