My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
