Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I need to calm my uterus...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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