She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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