Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
