he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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