You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
