Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
