You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
