His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
