Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
