he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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