Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
