4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
