he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
