I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
