a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
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god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
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so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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