i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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