there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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