so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
