i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
