So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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