Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
