My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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