well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
