no, he came in my armpit
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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