I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
