yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
