got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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