"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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