Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
