Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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