If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
