saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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