That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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