I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
