he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
