Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
