he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
