ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
