we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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