i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
