Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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