From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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