Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
