Someone shit on the floor
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
