His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
