I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You ate ashes out of my bong
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
