How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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