I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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