Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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