I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
